Elections: Yes They Did

The View from the Department of Homeland Security Culture Desk


ELECTIONS: YES THEY DID…a historic failure of voter suppression. (2008)

Obama, the chosen candidate of Hamas and the Weathermen, has taken the White House that slaves built. Talk about not knowing one’s place!

This could bring a host of problems to our nation. First, it threatens to bring back the Vision Thing, never a long suit among the Bushes. The President-elect thinks we should be part of the world. I’m not saying he’s a gay crackhead murderer and probable Islamic Socialist, but George Soros did engineer the economic meltdown to get him into the half-White House. If he decides to ally with Nouveau Communist leaders like Alan Greenspan, we could see a backlash, according to US law.

Obama has a lot in his plus column, though: he’s pro-nuke, pro-death penalty, wants to enlarge the army, and can’t do health care because we’re broke. To his credit, he wants to send more troops to Afghanistan, to finish the job the Soviets started. Many nations have sent armies to Afghanistan and all have succeeded in failing. Obama, however, brings hope. So we’ll see. “Al Qaeda is in 80 countries, so you can’t defeat them in Iraq,” says O. True that: You have to fight them all over Afghanistan.

On the personal side, having two little black girls in the White House proves to millions of their young brethren and sistren that they have achieved complete racial equality, if not a bit more. So rock on, America, we’re the best, if not only, nation. We can expect to endure a period of kinder, gentler wars, nukes, and climate change before getting back on track as the world’s benevolent dominatrix.

Meanwhile, the only question – besides where to drill – is whether the Obama administration will constitute a third Clinton term, with lots of saxophones and welfare reform, or will spiral downward into some kind of perverse experiment in diminished corporate power and increased single-payer-ness. Stay tuned to this site, where we don’t so much give you information as get you in formation.


I know it’s been hard on you all during the Enemies Gap, what with me not knowing who to tell you to hate. Normally, I can get you used to hating the new Enemy Designate in about six months – eight or ten if you don’t have TV. But times are hard, and we’ve been forced to recycle some old enemies – Saddam, for example.

Meanwhile, we’ve still got the old domestic standby, Political Correctness. I don’t know if you ever noticed that PC is just CP spelled backwards. We’ve been learning about recycling, you see. We’re not wasting any taxpayer letters here.

PC starts in the university, which they try to turn into a DI-versity. They try to make you conform, which is fine, but they want you to conform to nonconformism, which doesn’t make any sense to me.

Then it trickles down into the lower grades. I know about this, because I do a little pro bono work at my presentations. I have them bring the children backstage and I share my point of view with them, so they won’t need their own. Well, one evening last week I was talking to this little girl – no, can’t say that – differently heighted pre-woman, about these problems, and in came this representative from the deconstructionist mafia, made me an offer I couldn’t understand, so we fled out the back way, tripped over this homeless – sorry, residentially challenged fellow and – you see? It’s getting so you can’t say anything anymore without being challenged, which is all right for you, but I’ve got a job to do!