Remarks to the New York Society of Intervenors

December 1, 1983

I would like to respond tonight to the allegation that we of the United States of America are imperialists. Just because we convert underdeveloped economies in­to a single crop export basis, and just because we have the good business sense to acquire wholly-owned oligarchies which in turn own and operate the aforesaid underdeveloped economies—that’s not imperialism. That, my friends, is simply the highest stage of capitalism. It’s good old American competition, and may the rich man win.

No, on the contrary, we are anti-imperialists. We have attempted to dis­mantle the British Empire in Grenada, the Argentine Empire in the Falselands, the Cuban Empire in Angola, and the Nicaraguan Empire, which continues its vicious attacks on democratic Honduran peace-keeping forces, who crossed into Nicaragua in self-defense, for the limited objective of retrieving a frisbee.

We do not seek the overthrow of the Sandinoid government, only the return of their regime to its original revolutionist project, best embodied by the previous management there.

Yes, imperialism is even today a grave threat to our world piece. Even now, the moderately evil Canadian empire has stretched its tentacles towards the sovereign people of Detroit, attempting in their cynicism to deny the civic leaders of that great city the God-given right to reign in all their acidic splendor. The Lord is an assiduous God. And if he didn’t want their reign to be acidic he wouldn’t have invented the eight-cylinder engine.

Who defeated the Asiatically evil Japanese Empire, when it dared to strike east at the West? America did. Who convinced them to follow the path of peace­ful competition? America did. Who convinced them to beat us at our own game? Well, we have uncovered a treasure-trove of documents which clearly prove that the Japanese have used Libyan-style efficiency studies, which were smuggled out of North Vietnam by Syrian agents disguised as Israelis, to unfairly corner the world market in the microchip industry. Let the chips fall where they may: the Japanese will never take Chrysler alive.

Who dismantled the centrally-evil axis of German Hitlerism? Well it is deniable, but true, that the heroic Russian people gave us some degree of as­sistance in that skirmish. However, after the cynical sacrifice of some 20 million Russian lives (roughly equivalent to 7 million American lives or about $260 million), the great Russian Bear then took it upon its own self-styled shoulders to establish the Soviet Empire as Hitler’s heir, the ruler of the world—a role which by any legal or moral standard clearly belongs to the United States.

It should be evident by now that Soviet Imperialism is the center of evil in the world. (Some of you may remember that they used to share the title with the Chinese Imperialists, but those Imperialists have been rehabilitated, so you can just forget everything you know about them—everything bad.) The old saying, “The only good Red is a dead Red” is as true as it ever was, more or less. If the Kremlinites want to challenge us by trying to make the whole world go Soviet, sobeit. We can fight dirty too. Though we would never, never initiate a first strike under normal circumstances.

But if it takes a bloodbath, let’s get it over with. We shall not sit by idly while the Bolshevites and their proxies threaten our inalienable right to pre-emptive retaliatory peacekeeping actions.

Sometimes in the evening I look up at that great unmanned satellite, the good old American moon, and think of the poor oppressed people of Angola, where a Marxist-Leninist totalitarianationist regime is protected from the wrath of its own people by 40 to 600,000 Cuban troops disguised as a peacekeeping force. I think of the valor of the heroic freedom fighters of the free Republic of South Africa, who are attempting to liberate Angola so that its citizens may taste the fruit of freedom in all the bountiful splendor with which it is tasted in the Democratic Republic of South Africa.

However, the south Africans have no intention of overthrowing the Angolan government, though such a development would not be greeted with dismay in Washington, though we have not consulted with the South Africans on this, though the Israelis may have, though we have not consulted with them either, as a forthcoming White Paper will make perfectly clear. No, the South Africans merely seek to force the Marxist leaders in Angola to return to the civilized mode of operation that modern nations have taken for granted since Teddy Roosevelt rescued Cuba from the Communist-inspired Spanish Conquistadors in 1898. (Some of you probably believe that the Communist threat began in the dark Moscow days of 1917, but old Comrade Karl actually got his Communist Inspiration from the Paris Commune-ists of 1871, who sought to implement so-called land reform and Nicaraguan-style neighborhood vigilance committees.)

It was in fact Teddy Roosevelt who developed a Roosevelt Coronary for the original Monroe Doctor. He stated that “impotence which results in a general loosening of the ties of civilized society may finally require the intervention by some civilized nation.” Of course Africa isn’t in either of our wholly-owned hemispheres, the Western or the Northern. But we are the only ones virile enough to deal with those impotent Africans who, as we all know, not only loosened their ties but gave up wearing them altogether in a sinister attempt to evade our rescue missions.

Now in regard to the so-called situation in self-styled Nicaragua: The United States must prepare to defend itself against this evil Soviet fiefdom because the Nicaraguan Army has been aggressively preparing its defenses, cynically claiming that the U.S. would invade them, which could become a self-fulfilling prophecy if we are pushed far enough. And we are being pushed farther every day by the atrocities committed in that slipped disc along the spine of the Free World. Did you know, friends, that graduates of the Nicaraguan Militia are given Cuban magazines, paperback books by Lenin, and speeches by Andropov, instead of copies of Readers Digest, paperbacks by Teddy Roosevelt and speeches by me?

It has been revealed recently by implied sources that the Sandinites are also notorious Anti-Semitists, unlike the Argentinists and the Paraguese, who merely provide humanitarian refuge for ex- and former so-called Nazis. Granted, there was a Jewish Sandinite commander—or they said he was Jewish—but he was killed in the war against Somoza—they said it was against Somoza—and there is deniably a Jewish Minister of education. But the Minister of Tourism is described as being “of Jewish descent,” an obvious slur implying that the Jewish people have descended. But of course these are all token Jews, as are in fact all the Jews in Nicaragua since there are only 50 of them. They are kept there for show. Actually, of the 50 Jewish families, 34 have left. Of the remaining 16, four are government ministers, eight are in business, two are in prison for being so-called Somocistas, and the two remaining are token generic Jews.

As for the recent flurry of so-called peace proposals by the junta in Nicaragua, this is obviously an extension of their flurrying tactic, an attempt to snow us, which they obviously learned from the Russian style of attempted confusionary tactics at the Geneva discussions which we are currently holding with ourselves. We are not fooled by these attempts of the imperialists to paint themselves as peace-makers. they don’t even begin to resemble missiles. And we can’t tell if they’ve sent home Cuban soldiers disguised as Cuban teachers, or Cuban teachers disguised as Cuban soldiers—a typical proxyite smokescreen. And where there’ s a screen, you can be sure the President will act.

In closing, I thank you for your attendance and attention. If you keep up this use of your democratic freedoms on a voluntary basis, we may not have to make them mandatory.

Anywhere Revisited

In this article I will attempt to represent the viewpoint of the imperialist community on the Grenade-a matter so that after reading it you will proceed to do nothing about the issue.

We are the guardians of the region against its own lack of judgement. We stopped the Communists in Nicaragua in 1874, and several times since. Franklin Roosevelt pointed out, in the case of the first Somoza, the merits of having our own son-of-a-bitch. We have had many admirable, hard-working ones. But after Cuba, Guatemala, Chile, Cuba, Nicaragua, Nicaragua, Cuba and Nicaragua, the Committee to Intervene Anywhere has finally intervened Anywhere.

The Western hemisphere must be protected from the Eastern hemisphere by the Northern hemisphere.

We chose Grenade-a for humanitarian considerations. For the wounded, there was a medical school conveniently located on the island. Fortunately, there have been no people killed in the action—only Communists. Incidentally, the reason that all the resistance has come from Cuban soldiers, and that there have been no comments or actions from Grenade-a is that for the last two weeks there have been no Grenade-ians on the island. They have all been on vacation in Cuba; we plan to rescue them shortly. (In actuality, these “vacations” were merely a cover for the Soviets to convert Grenade-a into a military airstrip, further covered by the clever use of a British contracting firm).

It is true that 18 American boys were killed in the action and others were wounded. However, it is a glorification of the Cubistas fighting capability to credit these casualties to enemy fire. To the contrary, four Navy men drowned in a pre-Rescue accident, several died when two of our own helicopters collided, and 14 were injured when a U.S. air strike was called on the wrong location. In fact, the enemy has been so inefficient at killing our forces compared to our own capability, that in the future we’re considering going to war against ourselves.

In this particular case, however we went in to protect American lives, as we will continue to do Anywhere that they may at some point perhaps be taken hostage, mugged, asked embarrassing questions about U.S. foreign policy or otherwise inconvenienced. American lives must be protected. Americans abroad are susceptible to a disease, widely prevalent in so-called third world countries, known as Communist Filtration. It strikes Americans in disproportionate numbers, unless of course we strike First. It often leads to complications such as literacy, expropriation and, in severe cases, sovereignty. The only physician competent to treat the disease is, of course, the Monroe Doctor. The old ways are the only ways.

Our assistance in Grenade-a is a simple case of hemispheric security. The Western hemisphere must be protected from the Eastern hemisphere by the Northern hemisphere. I just don’t understand why Western values aren’t appreciated in the Southern hemisphere.

And we’re not just talking about a lot of nutmeg down there in the Carob Bean. We’re talking about Soviet-Style airports. An airport is not a toy for little children to play with. It’s a toy for grownup nations.

The action in Grenade-a may have come as a surprise to many; we all thought Grenade-a would invade the United States. Obviously the regime was a threat to the region, just as Cuba has been. Cuba took over Grenade-a, Grenade-a seized Nicaragua, and soon Nicaragua will overrun Mexico, El Slave-ador, Chile, and Guacamole. Those few nations who disagreed with our action—and there were only 150 or so—simply don’t understand the stakes. If they would just listen to our explanations in the press, they would understand that it’s a high-stakes game of revolving crap. Or perhaps you could liken it to a game of Monopoly.

The whole situation was best explained by Ed Meese in Denver last week: This was not an invasion; it was a landing. Sort of an open-door policy. (Our ambassador to the United Nations—still sporadically in operation—has on the other hand characterized it as a rescue. Which just goes to show how much pluralism we have in this nation.)

Now that Grenade-a is part of the Free World again, and the self-styled “Radio Free Grenade-a” has been restored to its proper respectful title “Spice Island Radio,” you may be wondering, “How can I believe Mr. Reagan when he says our troops—which were sent in to defend medical students, or restore democracy, or order, or to forestall aggression, or to avenge the Lebanon murders, or to root out the Libyan Hit Squad, or find Bulgarian Pope-killers­—how can I believe that the troops will be withdrawn in a few days, or 30 or 60 days, or several weeks, as promised? Well, it’s kind of like Vietnam: you just have to trust us.

Forget all this “Yankee Go Home” propaganda. We make ourselves at home wherever we go.

As for the charge that we’re engaging in gunboat diplomacy, that is a bald-faced misinterpretation. It should be clear by now that we’re not engaging in any diplomacy at all. Anywhere. It should also be clear that there are no gunboats down there. Only battleships.

Now Mr. Reagan is no fool: He intends to restore stability in Lake America. And no one knows more about stability than America. For example, we have not had a change of even 1% in the distribution of wealth in our country since 1900. Can the Grenado­-Cuban terrorist Leninoids make that claim for their self-proclaimed, alleged nations? No, they cannot. It is left to us to defend the five freedoms, and above all the freedom to exploit. For as the President has exclaimed, freedom is not something you can buy once and be done with it. No, freedom must be paid for, at the going rate, until we have all the freedom there is for ourselves. And as you know, there is no freedom without peace. And we will bring peace to Grenade-a and keep a piece for ourselves. Grenade-ians who want to keep the whole island for themselves are Greedy Grenade-ians.

If you liked Grenade-a, you’ll love World War Three. So be romantic—get involved in foreign affairs. Call the White Palace and tell us where to go. And forget about all this “Yankee Go Home” propaganda. We make ourselves at home wherever we go.

FOREWARNINGS

INTRO TO THE FORENOTE

You are currently staring at, if not studying, a re-issue of documents originally published in the 1980s. Thanks to a small change in technology since then, it became possible to include vintage video clips of Mr. Shrub here, most of which have never been seen.

The sequel to this volume (Singing CIA Agent George Shrub Explains the World Away, 1991-2011 – also available on this site) includes many documents never before published.

Please send any questions, comments, or mild recriminations via email by way of david3 at lippnet dot us. If they’re sparkly enough, they’ll be added to this book on this site, on the “dust jacket” page. You can also do so at the Shrub facebook page.

NB: Use the bar at the bottom to navigate to next or previous page. Or use the table of contents to jump around.

FORENOTE TO THE PREFACE

There’s a saying in the wacky world of standup comedy that as a comic, each time you grab the mike, you either kill or die. Now of course there’s nothing remotely humorous about the CIA*, despite the efforts of the singing CIA agent we encounter here. And no one would ever refer to George Shrub as a standup guy. That said, it is often said that in his years of performance tours, he often killed—massacred, even—the truth. And if the audience happened to die laughing, that was just collateral dommage.

It’s a dubious pleasure for me to be able to present Shrub’s collected musings and Anal Isis, collated for the first time with video clips from his Counter-Intelligence Cabarets, at which attendance was of course voluntary, but strongly suggested.

Dave Lippman
April 2022

*When asked about the similarity between his name and that of a former CIA Director, he brandished a redaction marker and suddenly disappeared.

PREFACE TO THE FOREWARN
by George Shrub

There follows an attempt by a self-styled “anti-interventionist” “songwriter” to ease the reader into my complex but entirely Right presentations of the Committee to Intervene Anywhere’s perspective on current events in Our World. Don’t take him too seriously. Not only are his views skewed, but he openly practices a form of international intrigue known as “satire.” (At press time this was still legal, with certain exceptions.)

Mr. Lippman was selected by the Committee to be closely observed over a period of time during his extensive travels. Due to the rigors of the road, we devised a cover: the agent must appear as a singer himself. Thanks to my not inconsiderable talents at verse and oratory (which had not been of much use in more traditional Committee work), I was chosen for this assignment. The rest is history, but I won’t trouble you with that here. After all, those who do not understand their history will have the opportunity to repeat it.

FOREWARN
by Dave Lippman

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that George Shrub has been foisted upon an unwilling world. But as long as he’s here (and it’s already been too long), I may as well tell you a little about him.

George Shrub, M.D. (Monroe Doctorate) first surfaced as a backstage manipulator of the Reagan for Shah Campaign in 1980, working with such groups as the Ladies Against Women, Students United for Apartheid (SUFA) and the Coalition Against Central America (CACA). The result was the coronation of His Affluence Ronald I.

When the agent re-appeared at the time of the Grenada Rescue, it was clear he had been re-assigned to the cultural front. I came to know him all too intimately as he tailed me around the country, demanding equal time at my concerts. As my songs tend to be critical of United States foreign policy, whether implemented abroad or at home, he felt obliged to set the record Right. I was obliged to give way to his peculiar brand of anti-folksongs and interventionary anthems.

As the audiences seemed to be amused, if not enlightened, Dr. Shrub felt emboldened, and began speaking out without rhyming—that is, in sentences that ran to the Right margin and thus by definition could not be considered poetry.

Many of the documents collected here were first delivered as addresses at what I still maintain were my concerts. Other articles appeared in the various newspapers around the country that could be strongarmed into printing them.  Enjoy, if possible. And learn as little as possible. The more you learn, the less you know.

Reader Response

Your illustrious if not humble author first caught the public eye as a participant in 1980’s Reagan for Shah campaign. I offer pride of place here to reflections from colleagues in that campaign, followed by comments from some of those who were prevailed upon to host my performances, as well as some of the victims of those events.    —GS

Mr. Shrub’s uncommonly authoritative briefings bring back memories of when, as the shallowest member of the Deep State, he frequently spoke with members of the Men’s Auxiliary of Ladies Against Women, ultimately keeping all our brains squeaky clean. How astonishing that his words are on your screen.
Mrs. Virginia Cholesterol, Part-time Volunteer Assistant Secretary, Ladies Against Women

**

WHO is George Shrub? No one knows. He sprang into existence like the Big Bang spawning galaxies of outrageous postings, writings, songs …
WHERE is George Shrub? Everywhere. Also, in this book, which should come with a plain cover. Don’t let anyone see you reading. It’s dangerous.
Peggy Seeger

For decades, I watched in shame at the murderous ploys of CIA agents who subverted democracies and progressive social movements. But then I stumbled across the deliberately bumbling CIA agent George Shrub, who sang the quiet part out loud. A whistleblower with a guitar. I don’t know whether to nominate him for a Grammy Award or the Nobel Peace Prize.
Jeff Cohen, Woodstock NY

From the Halls of Montezuma, to the shores of Tripoli, George Shrub has gone where no folksinger has gone before – and he brought us right along with him to laugh out loud at the things others were too afraid, or too culpable, to say for themselves. To paraphrase Voltaire, if George Shrub did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him. But no worries, the inveterate Dave Lippman has done it for us.”
Norman Stockwell, publisher of The Progressive

As “truthful politicians” become more oxymoronic every day, the art of satire and sarcasm is sadly scarce. The collected works of the anti-folk CIA singer George Shrub remind us that Bush and Reagan were merely opening acts. We need more laughter, more music, and more social change activism which understands the vitality of both. Dave Lippman and his alter-egos provide it all!
—Matt Meyer, Secretary General, International Peace Research Association

Agent Shrub’s deep and prescient anal-isis of the world we intervene (in) has always guided my zest for sticking a sharp garlic pickle into the belly of the American beast.  Long may he sing!
Van Gosse, NJ CISPES

Shrub’s contribution to subversive thought cannot be overstated. Under his sagacious inspiration and guidance, mendacity and duplicity have reached new heights.
David Barsamian, Director, Alternative Radio

It has been my pleasure and near duty to repeatedly present the musings of the infamous, renegade CIA agent George Shrub to my community down here in Gainesville, FL. His was and is a corrective lens with which to view the foreign policy of this country, because absurdity can only be fully grasped with insightful (inciteful?) humor.
Joe Courter, Publisher, Gainesville Iguana

Of all the exciting events at the peace studies conferences I attended in the 80s and 90s, George Shrub’s performances were the most exciting of all. Believe me, we academic-peacenik types need to laugh a lot more, and George helped us do that. ‘
Neil Wollman, Manchester, Indiana

When political events become so bizarre as to be downright unbelievable, the best we can do sometimes is laugh about it. George Shrub has helped thousands do just that, and he’s VERY good at it.
Ingrid Noyes, Marshall, CA

George Shrub is a national treasure! Now for the first time, his prophetic and poetic words of wisdom collected all in one place! You’ll love the video clips, the great music as much as the brilliant lyrics, and the between-songs banter and jokes are even better. This material is not at all dated, as the current era is eerily similar, and everything Shrub has to say (and sing) is more relevant than ever in today’s world.
— Kathy Labriola, Berkeley hippie, anarchist, and fangirl

At the Reagan For Shah Rally In New York City In 1980, George Shrub, Ned Shrapnel, Virginia Cholesterol and the others were parading down Fasc…Fashion Avenue and ran into a somewhat skeptic passerby.  Shrub tried to explain the Reagan for Shah Platform: “We believe foreign policy should be replaced by domestic policy through the annexation of international trouble spots. We plan to annex Saudi Arabia and Iran so that we will no longer be dependent on foreign oil.”  The passerby was startled, but not convinced, and he exclaimed, “You people are fuckin’ serious!!!”  Virginia responded, “We are very serious. Politics is no laughing matter!”
— Mike Levinson, Boston

Here we have the definitive history of a USO show that always raised morale among the anti-war troops. News Speak: A twisted history that manages to make more sense than the events themselves.
Jenny Brown, Gainesville, FL

Shrub always knocked me into the bushes laughing and crying all at once!
Tom Gogan, New York

When I first heard George Shrub in the 1980’s it was a revelation. I was just learning about the history of CIA interventions and their anti-democratic activities in Central America at the time. I was angry and horrified. Then I saw George Shrub perform his Iran Contra rap. I laughed so hard I cried and I learned even more about what was going on from his show. I saw the value of satire as a political tool and I was hooked.
Anne Schupack, San Diego

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