News Speak 6

Weekly regrade:  Central America has been upgraded from backyard to neighborhood status.  The African National Congress was temporarily upgraded from terrorists to freedom fighters but the error was corrected and they were re-downgraded in favor of other forces working for peaceful democratic change and resisting both violence and apartheid.  A source explained that violence is needed for change in Nicaragua and Afghanistan but not in South Africa because apartheid is on its way out anyway.

Meddle East: Political analysts continue to debate whether the U.S. position on hostages in the Mideast has shifted or whether there is instead a slight indication of a small shift or simply a possible indicator of a reflection of a possible shift in the position.  An administration official, attempting to put an end to the speculation, insisted that the policy was not being changed, but rather redefined.

British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher says that her cuts in social services are part of a plan to reduce immigration by making conditions in Britain such that no one would want to immigrate there.

The International Monetary Fund has denied allegations that it lined up 25,000 Third World children against a wall and shot them, saying its one percent raise in Third World debt interest rates merely led to an incremental rise in starvation.

As the Central American peace process grinds on, Slaveadoran quote death squads have struck a-quote gain.  We reported here in the spring of 1983, fall of 1984 and summer of 1985 that the Slaveadoran guerrillas had lost the war.  If they’ve lost the war three times, why are they still fighting?  They obviously don’t understand the situation.  So we will continue to try to explain it to them, non-verbally.

8/88
WHEN YOU’RE A JET….In the wake of the Ramstein air show disaster in Germany, the U.S. Air Force says it will continue air shows because “they show the American taxpayers what their planes and pilots can do.”  That from a high Air Force source who declined to state what he was high on.

A good crisis:  The Reagan administration has issued nationwide warnings on Radon contamination of homes, saying it is an environmental hazard that demands the attention of every American.  Environmental candidate George Bush says it is an important concern because it is a crisis not caused by a corporation and can be remedied by individual initiative.

In addition to the radon initiative, the administration has vetoed a bill that would have permitted strip-mining on public lands, proposed a total ban on chemicals that destroy the Earth’s ozone shield, brought unemployment to a 14-year low, and not mentioned Contra aid for three weeks.  White House sources deny that such seeming reversals of administration policy just before an election are political, noting that the White House kept Michael Dukakis away from George Bush’s welcome to the space shuttle crew in order to avoid politicizing the event.