Electoral College Calypso

Backing tracks by Biff Blumfumgagnge

Just when you thought you were safe from hanging chads
And you thought you could trust the Ohio lads
Along comes my favorite secretary of state
Who won’t release the spoiled ballot rate
This Secretary of State was also co-chair
of the Bush campaign which only seems fair
For so long the unions had an unfair edge
Now we have restored proper class privilege

Then there were the ballots provisional
Handed out liberally at certain precincts
It was a vote loss bacchanal
An electoral festival methinks
Voter suppression some will charge
Machine malfunction loomin’ large
And one occasionally hears anecdotes of precincts
With fewer voters than W got votes

Redistricting is also an opportunity,
Every year it comes into play
True in Texas it was done differently
We messed with Texas you might say
The Democrat party wouldn’t obey
So we removed them from the fray
This had its effect almost right away,
There was only the one DeLay

If your name is Johnson
and you live in Ward six
Don’t blame me for what might appear to be
Slightly soiled or even dirty tricks
Some guy with a name like yours
Will be sent to the penitentiary
At some date a little later in this century

So by association here’s what I’m tellin’
You’re a twice-removed cousin of a future felon
Don’t whine to me about your lost vote
Every Johnson in your neighborhood’s in the same boat

The most important issue was morality
W had it, Kerry didn’t, you see
Obviously fibbing us into a war
Is more moral than throwing medals at the White House door
In such a time of fear and grief
We need an honest commander in thief
Sorry I meant chief, you Freudians get real
I mean, what would W steal?

Now in the Bible, 2,000 verses say
that poverty must decrease
And was Jesus the prince of war
oh no no he was the prince of peace
We all care about the loss of jobs
and sweatshops overseas of course
But the moral issue in the world today
is gay marriage and gay divorce

So, W’s leader of the white Christian men
Kerry is the favorite of young black lesbians
Kerry voters whine about jobs and schools
In other words they are Bin Laden’s tools
Sure I care about the death of my neighbor for oil
To read about it brings my blood to a boil
But the moral issue I was told in my church
Is clearly stem cell research

Now it’s clearly time to move on
Our destiny is manifest in Iran
We are all Americans, don’t you agree
Except the West and East Coasts and Chicago maybe
All of us can see W has a mandate
Except those who are venting about Votegate
I wish them good luck finding the holy grail
It won’t be easy with no paper trail