If God Had Wanted There To Be Other Countries

Oh baby have I got a gift for you
You can’t imagine what I’m offering to put you through
No it’s not a war with Finland
Or as expected those ingrates in Greenland
This one will be immeasurably more fun
A war with pretty much almost everyone
 
Well I may not find a budget for your schools
But I can well afford to manufacture guns for you precious fools
We’ve got no funds for fridges, much less bridges
nor innoculations
But there’s a fire sale on bombing non-us nations

You know if God had wanted there to be other countries….
 
As I was saying, we’re not slaying just to prove we’re the greatest
Which we are of course, I’ve no remorse in praying for America
only
It’s so lonely at the top
Some day there’ll be a braver crop of suckers
But for now you’re the luckiest pluckers
You get to be my heavily armed  runnin-amokers
Good luck, and good night, all right!
C’mon alla you real men straight, or gay
Even the ladies can join the fray
Too many is not enough in my thrillers
How about a brigade of powder puff killers
 
Still we might run out of troops so there’s a plan for breeding
We’ll convert your amorosity to navy seal seeding
We’re gonna cut contraception – tiny holes of course
Convert your Trojans to a trojan horse
 
While you’re forced into foreclosure and dying of exposure
Unemployed and your savings expired
You can take consolation in the saving of the nation
By the weaponization of national pride
 
Don’t fret don’t worry
And for sure don’t think
On the double in a hurry
Here we go into the drink
Only question is, which drink? Lemme think,
Let’s see:
We won’t be rushin in to Russia
Though we’ll take it to the brink you know
But a war with Red China would solve our red ink flow
 
Though it’s true I never made a
Greater glory than Grenada
Take heart,  roll up your sleeves
With our shoulders to the tar sands
We can still sink the Maldives
 
In a pinch we could always attack the Swiss
With all those skiers how could even a dumb drone miss
They say they’re neutral but they speak 3 enemy tongues
So I’m gonna shout it out at the top of your lungs:
 
It’s not the titanic, it’s the Lusitania
No need to panic, just bomb Albania
My megalomania will steer us right
As long as you’ll vote for candidate that brings the most fright
 
You know if God had wanted there to be other countries….
There’s France, let’s take a chance, or we could bomb the Sudanistas
We’ll get into a war in starts and fits
I’ll stir your hearts if not your wits

We’ll go wittily into Italy
After all they’re a fairly failed state
I know it’s second rate, and it’s been done, lord knows, mama mia
But it’s our only chance to prevent a Mediterranean North Korea