Author: Margarete Koenen

certainly needs an overhaul – and we’re going to make sure it gets one: a partial, moderate, eventual overhaul, with many different payers. After all, we already have a single payer – you. About government’s role in health care, I’m of two minds, which may be why I speak with a forked tongue. On the one hand, government-run health care would insure everybody at a low cost. On the other, the health insurance denial industry gave me $4 million. So, it’s too bad we had to destroy health care reform in order to save it, but so it goes. As long as I’m in charge.

There’s a reason we don’t go to “Medicare for All”: we don’t want to re-invent one sixth of the economy. That would be like bailing out banks or something. Besides, we have traditions in this country. We have a tradition of employer-based indentured servitude to health care denial corporations. Throwing it out would be like throwing out fascism or female genital mutilation just because you’re dissatisfied. So no, we’re not going to nationalize health care, just nationalize citizens’ responsibility to buy health care from big health care denial companies. I want government out of my life – I don’t mean Social Security, the police, medicare, the military. I’m talking about government meddling. You know, “social services” for people who can’t even bother to be me.

Now that the country is bankrupt, we’ve given it to the black guy. Remember Detroit? Good luck with that.

Regulation, Phil Gramm has recently explained, is now unnecessary. We have finally outgrown the Depression-era fad, clearing the decks to get on with history, that is to say, the next Depression. True, corporate executives (Commanders in Thief, some would say) have been giving themselves $39 billion in bonuses while losing $74 billion. But you can afford to bail them out, now that you’ve got no house payments.

Our leading Financial Citizens are working hard to rescue their economy while some near-Americans are whining about their 401Ks and other mental recessionary issues. But the bailout is misunderstood. Some say it’s socialism, but it’s not: it’s partial, temporary, side-door nationalizing, not socialism. Sort of a temporary national socialism kind of thing. Anyway, it’s proper redistribution of wealth – from those who lost it back up to them again. It’s not Obamistic class warfare-spread-the-wealth-around socialism, just normal temporary side-door un-distribution, spread-the-wealth-up-national-non-socialism.

Republicans do re-distribute: they gave $150,000 of clothing to a hockey mom, to be re-redistributed later. And both parties have redistributed jobs – spread the jobs all around the world, in fact.

Obama will fix it. Or at least Larry Summers will. He’ll give us change we can buy a candy bar with. On the other hand, if Big O wants to do big change instead of spare, he could convert us all to hybrid (socialist) cars. But why stop there? After all, the economy always grows into the ecology; if you want to save the earth, why not invest in carbon? Did you ever hear of a hydrogen footprint? Of course not.

It looks like the Spendo-Dems will bail out the auto industry if they’ll agree to make “clean” cars, once again holding America (General Motors) hostage to the fuel-efficient hybrid mafia. This has Al Gore and his plug-in thugs written all over it. Next up: wind-powered cars – powered by the wind created by the car in front of you. A horizontal pyramid scheme.

If the Big Three collapse, a big three million jobs could be lost. But that includes the hot dog vendors and bartenders near the shuttered auto plants. I suggest a cut in taxes on hot dogs and beer. That would encourage growth in middle America, or at least its mid-section.