Sydney, Australia
For a decade or two (he’s a bit secretive about the details) George Shrub (*The M.D. stands for his Monroe Doctorate) has provided what he calls “the Right point of view” across the US and its commonwealths and protectorates. He’s known as the “singing CIA agent,” a functionary of the Committee to Intervene Anywhere (an equal opportunity destroyer). Some say Shrub is actually Dave Lippman, a folksinger and political satirist who puts a humorous spin on current events. When we caught up with Shrub recently, he would neither confirm nor deny that rumor. But he did consent to provide his “objective opinions” on a wide variety of topics.
George Shrub relaxing at home in an undisclosed location
TF: So, what have you been doing since the Cold War ended?
Shrub: Well, in the 80s we evolved a new, post-Vietnam Syndrome approach to the problems of the Third World that we had created. It was called Low Intensity Conquest. I took the post of Chief Perception Manager for this campaign for Semi-voluntary Authoritarianism–and we did it my way. Namely, you didn’t hear about it. The goal was to curtail ultranationalism—that is, their nationalism. Of course, there might someday be a country where the people could be independent-minded and democratic-minded and still get along with us. But so far there’s no such place. We’ve seen to that.
After an intensive search we found the new enemy: drugs. But questions were raised about the drug war. Was it actually a cover for anti-insurgent wars? Well, I would never want to be the one to stand up and say yes or no to a question that demanded that type of response as such. I would encourage you to have the wisdom to accept that which I will not deny. Remember: No brain, no pain.TF: Did the revelations about death squads in places like El Salvador set you back?
Shrub: In this country we’re lucky to have a wide-open democratic system where the various parties and candidates compete freely and vigorously debate the best way to make it appear that we have a wide-open democratic system. As a result, things occasionally come out. Now it came out that the Reagan and Bush administrations, in regard to the alleged participation of the Salvadoran military in the putative death squad activities, were economical with the truth. They withheld information; that is, they dissembled. That’s a post-modern term indicating there isn’t any one particular precise truth, but rather many perspectives.
Well, our perspective was that we had to work with Mr. D’Aubuisson, to be a moderating influence on him, and as we now see he has in fact curtailed his death squad activities quite a bit. In fact, he is no longer living.
But now we have–sorry, they have–a democracy down there, and if they get fed up with those death squads, they can replace them with other, more modern, or even post-modern ones.
George Shrub getting ready for work
TF: Let’s talk about health and welfare reform.
Shrub: I don’t believe in government handouts. Well, not to the poor.
TF: What about a single-payer health care system?
Shrub: Granted, the Canadian system provides equal care for all, but to do that here would cost $500 billion. Nobody has that kind of money these days, aside from the insurance industry.
TF: You do have to admit that things aren’t perfect. There are hidden costs to our system.
Shrub: Our system does casualize, collaterally, through malnutrition, homelessness, etc., some 40 to 80 million people, including large numbers who are neither terrorists nor drug lords. But we’ve come a long way. We have a pluralist system—some would say two-faced. I myself am of two minds about this. Perhaps that’s why I speak with a forked tongue.
TF: Anything new on Cuba?
Shrub: The people of Cuba are growing restless under the yoke of Fidel Castro’s increasingly isolated regime. That’s from a study issued by a group of scholars in the White House press office. We’ll keep you posted as the details are made up.
TF: One last question. I’m sure you have something to say about the Left and “political correctness.”
Shrub: I don’t know if you ever noticed, but PC is just CP spelled backwards. Little trick by the Marxist-Lentilists there. But now, in the continuing Politically Correct assault on traditional values, leftists are trying to rewrite school textbooks to say that Columbus didn’t discover America, but rather, invaded it. Fortunately, the National Council of Social Studies has countered that saying Columbus didn’t discover America is like saying there’s no Santa Claus.
George Shrub is also a consultant to the League for the Imposition of a
Male Bulwark Against the Underclass, Gals and Homos (LIMBAUGH).