Spill Baby Spill

OK, OK, so the oily boid gets the law firm. Fine, you win, it’s officially a Bummer. And this is how BP repays us for overthrowing Iran for them in ’53? It’s un-American.

But imagine, if you will, a wind spill. Oy, if not horrors! If the turbines sank, and kept on turning because no one knew how to cap them, they would churn up tides to rival Katrina. This is what the terrorists want; this is why they planted people inside BP and/or Halliburton and/or Transocean to blow up the Deepwater Horizon. To get us to turn to wind – they want us to steal God’s power, like the trees in Arizona are stealing the people’s water. They want to Katrinize our coastal metro areas, driving metrosexuals and other liberals inland where they’ll take land from actual Americans.

The root of the problem is that we’re dominated by powerful industry giants: Big Wind, Big Sun, Big Tide. We’ve got to take our country back. Yes, war for oil! But this time, domestic oil. Like cooking oil. By the way, the so-called disaster in the alleged gulf is technically called a “blowout,” which in lay terms means Big Sale. On cooking oil.